Funny jokes for every day
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0. 0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.
Funny joke # 6861
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Funny joke # 111
Confucius say, "Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk."
Funny joke # 65653
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stands up and offers 'If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' Clinton says, 'That would be an ACCIDENT.'
A girl raises her hand. 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explains Clinton.
'That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.'
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
'What?' asks Clinton, 'Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: 'If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.'
'Wonderful!' Clinton beams. 'Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?'
'Well,' says the boy, 'because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss!'
Funny joke # 15544
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck
stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked
to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and
took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old
into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
third walked up to the old man, turned over the old
man's plate, and
then he took a seat at the counter.
word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly
thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress,
"Humph, not much of a
man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
either, he just
backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."
Funny joke # 7246
Confucius say: It is good for boy to
meet girl in park, but better for boy
to park meat in girl.
Funny joke # 65652