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A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and

A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.

He dropped down into a pasture of cows. Looking for a place to land, he came down right on top of a big cow pie. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out! He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird, and ate it

There are three morals to this story:

1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.

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Joke #122 posted in the category: Funny jokes about animal, Funny jokes about aviation, Funny people jokes, Funny jokes about season, Funny jokes about flying, Funny boys jokes, Jokes about winter.



Next jokes

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and is on fire?

Still no flaming idea!

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Joke #123 posted in the category: Hilarious Animal jokes.

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”

The clerk tells him, ”No, we don’t have a market for it it so we don’t carry it.”

The duck says, ”Okay” and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”

Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”

The clerk says, ”I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed, we’ve never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”

The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ”Got any nails?”

”No,” comes the reply.

”Got any duck feed?”

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Joke #124 posted in the category: Jokes about animals.

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

”You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, ”that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

”You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, ”Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head.”

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Joke #125 posted in the category: Jokes about animal, Jokes about relationship, Jokes about religion, Jokes about sex, Jokes about battle of sexes, Jokes about heaven, Jokes about naughty.

Scott took his blind date to the carnival. ”What would you like to do

first, Mary?” asked Scott.

”I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.

He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a

prize.

Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott

again asked Mary what she would like to do.

”I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.

Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott

lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next.

”I want to get weighed,” she responded.

By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early,

dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ”How’d it go?”

Mary responded, ”Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn’t way me.

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Joke #126 posted in the category: Funny animal jokes, Funny computer and technology jokes, Funny food jokes, Jokes about miscellaneous, Funny professional jokes, Funny relationship jokes, Jokes about sex, Funny computer jokes, Funny fat jokes, Funny lawyer jokes, Funny love jokes, Jokes about lovers, Funny adult jokes, Funny dirty jokes.

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