A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, ”Get out of here with that dog!”
The guy says, ”But this isn’t just any dog... this dog can play the piano!”
The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner, ”If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!”
The guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are loving it.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, ”What was that all about?”
The guy replies, ”Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a dentist.”
A mother driving her two young boys to a funeral, She tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the grave site she discovered my explanations weren’t as thorough as I’d thought. In a loud voice, her four-year-old asked, ”Mom?”
”Yes,” the mother whispered.
”What’s in the box?”
1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. Ok, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only! 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.-0+
ONE DAY A MAN NAMED BOB KNOCKED ON HIS NEIGHBOR’S DOOR. HIS NEIGHBOUR WHO WAS AN OLD LADY WHO ASKED WHAT THE MATTER WAS. THE MAN REPLIED ”I AM SO SORRY BUT I JUST RAN OVER YOUR CAT AND KILLED IT” THE MAN SAID ”BUT I WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE IT.” THE OLD LADY THEN SAID ”WELL I HOPE YOUR GOOD AT CATCHING MICE THEN”!!!-0+
A lady named Sally visited the zoo. She saw a pink gorilla. Next to the cage was a sign that said, ”Do Not Touch! DANGEROUS!” She wanted to see what the gorilla felt like, so she looked both ways and made sure the coast was clear.
Then she reached in and touched the gorilla. She heard someone coming, and quickly withdrew her hand and kept walking. That night after she had eaten dinner, she was resting in her purple recliner watching the news. A warning flashed across the TV. ”Warning, Pink Gorilla escapes from zoo. If found, please call the zoo.”
Immediately Sally knew the gorilla was after her. Then she heard a Bang! Bang! Bang! on her front door. She got up, looked through the peep hole and saw the pink gorilla. She ran through the house, out the back door and into the garage. She jumped into her red Mercedes and drove as fast as she could. The pink gorilla saw her leave and jumped into his green Ford truck and chased after her.
Sally looked through her rearview mirror and saw the gorilla quickly gaining speed. Soon he pulled up next to her. Sally jerked on the emergency break, jumped out of the car and started running. As she was running she saw that she was approaching the edge of a cliff. She stopped not sure what to do. She spun around and saw the pink gorilla lumbering after her getting closer and CLOSER.
The gorilla approached her, Sally threw up her arms to protect herself the gorilla reached out HIS hairy pink hand and touched Sally’s head. Shaking a bit, Sally began to relax and slowly lowered her hands looking puzzled at the gorilla. The gorilla gave a little evil smirk and said, ”Tag, you’re it!!!” and he dashed off.