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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, ”Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”

The grandfather replies, ”I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.

Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspary, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, ”Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.”

The grandfather replies, ”I know. That’s from your grandma.”

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Joke #878 posted in the category: Animal jokes, Country jokes, Kids jokes, Funny jokes about man and woman, Funny jokes about miscellaneous, Funny jokes about people, Professional jokes, Question and Answer jokes, Relationship jokes, Funny jokes about sex, Funny jokes about Ethnic, Children jokes, Funny jokes about men, Funny jokes about boys, Funny jokes about little johnny, Lawyer jokes, Love jokes, Wedding jokes, Adult jokes, Dirty jokes.



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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, ”Does your dog bite? ”

The shopkeeper says, ”No, my dog does not bite. ”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. ”Ouch! ” He says, ”I thought you said your dog does not bite! ”

The shopkeeper replies, ”That is not my dog! ”

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Joke #879 posted in the category: Jokes about animals.

Where do you find a no-legged dog?

Wherever you left him.

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Joke #880 posted in the category: Funny animal jokes.

A duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the new to his friends and invited friends to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.

The dog however did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting wet more than his paws. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, ”Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog? ”

”I sure did, ” responded his friend. ”He can’t swim.

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Joke #881 posted in the category: Funny animals jokes.

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.

The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.

The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life. The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach’s attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.

The doctor thought for a moment and said,

”Yes, there’s a nasty bug going around.

Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires

Why do Elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks

Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?

To hide upside down in bowls of custard

Have you ever seen an elephant upside down in your custard?

Then it must work

How do you get elephants to go into a Mini Cooper?

Tell them there’s custard in there

How do you know that an elephant has been in your fridge?

Yellow footprints in the egg tray

How do you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

What’s green and red?

A very mad frog.

What’s green with red spots?

A frog with the chicken pox!

What’s green with bumps?

A frog with the measles!

What’s black and white and green?

A frog sitting on a newspaper.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad!

What do frogs do with paper?

Rip-it!

How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?

Unhoppy.

What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?

A rubbit!

Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?

He liked a good croak and dagger.

What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired?

It got toad!!

What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?

A dirty double-crosser!

What’s green green green green green?

A frog rolling down a hill

What is a frogs favorite time?

Leap Year!

Why did the frog go to the mall?

Because he wanted to go hopping.

Why did the frog walk across the road?

He didn’t... he jumped.

Why did the frog cross the street?

Because the chicken crossed the road.

Why did the frog cross the road?

To see what the chicken was doing.

Why did the frog cross the road?

Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

How do you confuse a frog?

Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.

How does a frog confuse you?

When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.

What did the frog say to the fly?

You are really starting to bug me!

What does a frog say when it sees something’ great?

Toadly awesome!

What do you call a frog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter- he won’t come anyway.

What do you call a frog with legs?

Dinner.

What did one frog say to another?

You’re such a WART!

Why did the frog croak?

Because he ate a poisonous fly!

What is a frog’s favorite game?

Croaket

What did the frog order at McDonald’s?

French flies and a diet Croak

Why did the frog go to the hospital?

He needed a ”hopperation”!

What is the thirstiest frog in the world?

The one who drinks Canada Dry!

What’s red and green and goes 175 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

What do stylish frogs wear?

Jumpsuits!

What does a bankrupt frog say?

”Baroke, baroke, baroke.”

What has more lives that a cat?

A frog that goes croak every night.

Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?

He wanted to robbit.

Why are frogs such liars?

Because they are amFIBians

How can you tell a frog doesn’t have ears?

They don’t move when a car is coming toward them.

What did the frog do after it heard a funny joke?

It started to croak up!

Why did the gag-writer turn green?

Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!

• What do you call an unemployed goat?

Billy Idol.

• What do you call a goat at sea?

Billy Ocean.

• What do you call an outlaw goat?

Billy the kid.

• What do you call a goat that lip syncs?

Billy-Vanilli.

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Joke #882 posted in the category: Animals jokes.

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