Funny Jokes db

Funny jokes for every day

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the

door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in

the morning. ”I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks,

and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows. ”Aren’t you going to answer that?”

says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes

downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the

door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realise the man was

drunk.

”Hi there,” slurs the stranger, ”Can you give me a push??”

”No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed.” says the man

and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what

happened and she says, ”Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way

to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on

that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened

if he’d told us to get lost??”

”But the guy was drunk.” says the husband. ”It doesn’t matter,”

says the wife. ”He needs our help and it would be the Christian

thing to help him.”

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes

downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the

stranger anywhere he shouts: ”Hey, do you still want a push??” and

he hears a voice cry out ”Yeah please.”

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: ”Where are

you?” And the stranger replies: ”I’m over here, on your swing.”

-340+

Joke #6994 posted in the category: Funny bars, beer and booze jokes, Man and Woman jokes, Hilarious Miscellaneous jokes, Jokes about religions, Funniest Sex Jokes, Bar and Drinking jokes, Bar jokes, Hilarious Drinking jokes, Funny drunk jokes, Funny jokes about men, Funny travel jokes, Adults jokes, Funny clean jokes, Funny jokes about dirty.



Next jokes

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, ”You look terrible.

What’s the problem?”

”My mother died in June,” he said, ”and left me $10, 000.”

”Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

”Then in July,” the friend continued, ”My father died, leaving me $50, 000.”

”Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

”And last month my aunt died, and left me $15, 000.”

”Three close family members lost in three months?

How sad.”

”Then this month,” continued, the friend, ”nothing!”

-45+

Joke #6995 posted in the category: Hilarious Bar, Beer and Booze jokes, Hilarious Business and Investing jokes, Funny jokes about families, Funny miscellaneous jokes, Relationship jokes, Funniest Bar and Drinking jokes, Bar jokes, Jokes about drinking, Funny jokes about drunks, Jokes about money, Hilarious Marriage jokes, Funny jokes about bad tastes, Jokes about dirtys.

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.

They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, ”Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, ”Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink.”

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, ”You think that’s great? Where I come from in Dublin, there’s this place called Murphy’s. At Murphy’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!”

”Wow!” say the other two. ”That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

”No,” replies the Irish guy, ”but it happened to me sister!”

-0+

Joke #6996 posted in the category: Bar, Beer and Booze jokes, Funniest Computer and Technology jokes, Hilarious Country jokes, Funniest Miscellaneous Jokes, Funniest Sex Jokes, Bar and Drinking jokes, Funniest Bar jokes, Jokes about computers, Hilarious Scottish jokes, Hilarious Idiot and Fool jokes.

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

-0+

Joke #6997 posted in the category: Funniest Country jokes, Hilarious Miscellaneous jokes, Questions and Answers jokes, Funny jokes about sex, Funny Ethnic jokes, Hilarious Redneck jokes.

a man walks into a bar and says ouch.

-0+

Joke #6998 posted in the category: Hilarious Bar, Beer and Booze jokes, Funny jokes about bar and drinking, Funny bars jokes.

© Copyright 2017 funnydb.netfunny jokestop jokesbest jokes for everyone