Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...
He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target.
Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts robin hood’s arrow into two!!!
He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!
finally, a third man in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!!!
It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... SORRY!!!
An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill.
He thought he’d fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.
Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.
Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.
Then the manager thought he’d wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed until after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack so the manager thought he would simply be honest and ask her advice.
He went up to her and said, ”Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” Jill said, ”Well, you’d better jack off - I’m late for my bus.”
Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn’t want to hear them.
To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they’d just get up, walk out, meet at another home but without Fay.
Sure enough, at the next meeting, Fay started, ”You know, girls, there’s a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say....” Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door. Fay was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood what was going on and said, ”Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There’s plenty of time ’cause the bus doesn’t leave till morning!”
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him. The huge man glares threateningly at his neighbor, crowds the little guy so much that he’s flattened against the window, and immediately falls asleep.
After the plane takes off, the little guy starts to feel a little air sick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. After a few attempts, he realizes that he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little fellow. He just can’t hold it in any longer and finally pukes all over the big guy’s chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
”So,” the little guy says brightly, ”are you feeling better now?”
”My whole family is shocked and surprised with the death of my uncle”, says a man to his friend.
”Oh, that’s terrible. Tell me, how old was he?” , asks the friend.
”He was 95 years old”, answers the man.
”Actually, that’s kind of old”, claims the friend, ”Why are you so surprised?” .
”Because his parachute didn’t open”.