This is a real life exam of a Grade 5 (Std. 3) pupil Primary school exam
Write an essay on the following question: ”What is a crocodile?”
Use block letters and write legibly
Name: Christiaan Janse van Vuuren
Date: Maandag 22/05/2000
”The crokodile is a specially built so long because the flatter the better swimmer. At the front of the crocodile is the head. The head exists almost only of teeth. Behind the crocodile the tail grows. Between the head and the tail is the crocodile. A crocodile without a tail is called a rotwieler.
A crocodile’s body is covered with handbag material. He can throw his tail off if he gets a fright but it doesn’t happen much
because a crocodile is scared of nothing.
A crocodile stays under the water because if you were so ugly, you would also stay under the water. It is good that a crocodile stays under the water, because a person gets such a big fright if a crocodile catches you that he first has to rinse you off before he can eat
you. A crocodile isn’t hardly as dangerous as people say he is, except if he catches you.
The longer he bites you, the more it hurts. Very old crocodiles suck their people and buck that they catch dead. If you eat him,
he is a crocosatie.
A crocodile did not learn to swim with his arms so he uses his tail. The little brother of the crocodile is a lizard.
The slow sister of the crocodile is a chameleon. The gay brother of the crocodile is a daffodil. And the crocodile also has a dead brother the frikkidel!
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes -- anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says, ”OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money.” No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, ” OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house.” Still no one moves. ”OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes.” Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. ”OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all the dope you can handle, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle: everything I own.” ”Splash!” Someone’s in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan -- he’s all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on the tower jumps down and runs over to him. ”That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money now or later?” ”I don’t want the money.” ”Do you want the house now or later?” ”I don’t want the house.” ”Do you want the cars and planes now or later? ””I don’t want the cars or planes.” ”Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?” ”I don’t want that either.” ”Do you want the drugs now or later?” ”I don’t want the drugs.” ”Do you want the girls now or later?” ”I don’t want the girls.” The rich guy looks at him and says ”Well, what the hell do you want?!?!” ”I want the so-and-so that pushed me in!”-0+
A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile, the bartender screams and demands he get the man eating creature out of there!
The man tries to calm the bartender down and says he is very well trained to prove it the man whipped out his cock and put it in the crocodile’s mouth, then he hit the crocodile over the head and after a few good smacks he pulls it out and shows the bar tender,
”Look, no marks.”
The bartender is still unsure so the man asks...
”Would anyone else like to try?”
The bar is quiet and a few minutes later a blonde in the corner stands up and says...
”I will but don’t smack me on the head!”
One Day A Blonde Brunnette And A Red Head Approached A River Full Of Sharks And Crocodiles And Stuff And They Were Trying To Figure Out A Way To Get Across. The Red Head (ranger) Tried To Swim Across But She Got Eaten And Then The Brunnette Tried To Jump Across But She Didn’t Make It And Got Eaten. Then The Blonde Says ” I Know Ill Use That Bridge Over There To Make A Boat To Get Across! ”-0+