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This is a secret that Joe once told me...

This is a secret that Joe once told me...

About a year ago Joe wanted to go to south California, and because of lack of means he decided to hitch hike. So, Joe is walking along side the road for about three hours and the sun is blazing down on him and he starts to think ”why did I choose to do this, this sucks ass”.

Just after that thought, a truck pulled up in front of him.

Joe ran up to the cab, popped open the door and said. ”Hey, how far south you headed?”

The trucker answered, ”Just about another five hundred miles, do you want to ride with me?”

Of course Joe was like hell yeah, so he hopped up in the cab. The trucker starts pulling back onto the road and Joe puts his seat belt on.

Then Joe notices this strange little monkey sitting on the seat between him and the driver. He thought it was a little strange for a trucker to have a pet monkey, but didn’t question the trucker. About twenty miles down the road from where Joe was picked up the trucker finally started a conversation with him.

Trucker says, ”Hey, you wanna see something cool?”

Joe replies, ”yeah, sure”.

SMACK! , the trucker wacked the monkey upside the head. The monkey jumped up, crawled on the truckers lap, unzipped his pants and starting sucking him off. The trucker got off and was done so the monkey sat back down between him and Joe.

The trucker turns to Joe, ”Hey ya wanna give that a try?”

Joe replies, ”Yeah, but you won’t have to hit me as hard!”

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Joke #5500 posted in the category: Funny jokes about animal, Hilarious Miscellaneous jokes, Funny jokes about relationship, Hilarious Sex jokes, Funny jokes about monkey, Funny jokes about marriage, Jokes about blowjobs, Funny jokes about bad taste.



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Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort. The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.

The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. ’Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.

Now you know how the stock market works.

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Joke #5501 posted in the category: Animal jokes, Political jokes, Monkey jokes.

A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp.” I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he’s going to live with us just like one of the family. He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife.” ”But what about the smell?” the friend asked.” Oh, he’ll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.”

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Joke #5502 posted in the category: Jokes about animals, Jokes about miscellaneous, Jokes about professionals, Jokes about sex, Jokes about monkeys, Jokes about lawyers, Jokes about genders, Jokes about bad tastes, Jokes about dirtys.

A man was driving down the highway in his pick-up truck and there was this lone monkey just sitting along the side of the road.

Confused, the man stopped the truck and opened the door. ”You need a lift?” he asked. The monkey just stared back at him and scratched his butt. Eventually the man got out, picked the monkey up, put it in his front seat and started down the road again.

At this time there was a state trooper cruising down in the opposite direction. The policeman happened to see the man pick up the monkey. Knowing that it was not only illegal to pick up hitch hikers, but also illegal to have a monkey, he pulled the man over a few miles down the road. The policeman chewed the man out for picking up the monkey and told him to take it to the zoo immediately. The man agreed and was off.

The next day the policeman saw the man driving down the highway with the monkey again. So he pulled the man over and said, ”I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo.”

”I did,” replied the man, ”and we had so much fun that today we’re going to Sea World!”

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Joke #5503 posted in the category: Animal jokes, Professional Uniforms jokes, Monkey jokes, Police jokes.

A police officer came upon a tragic wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a small monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the demolished car. Looking down at the monkey, the officer said, ”Boy, I sure wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. ”Can you understand what I’m saying?” the officer asked.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
”Did you see this happen?” asked the officer.

”Yes,” the monkey motioned.
”Can you tell me what happened?” the officer inquired.

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
”They were drinking then?” the officer asked.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”What else?” asked the officer.

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
”They were smoking marijuana?” the officer inquired.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”What else?” asked the officer.

The monkey puckered his lips and motioned ”kissing”.
”They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked,” the officer said.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”Well, what were you doing during all of this?” asked the officer.

”Driving” the monkey motioned.

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Joke #5504 posted in the category: Jokes about animal, Jokes about professional uniforms, Jokes about monkey, Jokes about cop, Jokes about police.

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