These three friends all die at the same time and end up at the pearly gates where Albert Einstein is waiting for them. The first chap approached and Alby asks him,
”What is your IQ, my good man?”
”250” the chap replies.
”Ah excellent. We can participate in meaningful and articulate discussions with my mates Plato and Newton about the Theory of Relativity, Chaos Theory, Astrophysics and the Theory of Everything. We will have much to discuss. You may enter.”
The second fellow approached the gate and Albert asks him the same question.
”150” was the reply.
”Ah good. We can discuss the fascinating subjects of History, Philosophy, Economics and Sociology. We will have much to discuss. You may enter.”
The third chap approaches the gate nervously.
”Now my good man, what is your IQ?”
”50” the third man replies sheepishly. To which Alby’s response was....
”How about those Pies, hey?”
Two boys are playing football in a Melbourne park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
”Blues fan saves friend from vicious animal”, he starts writing in his notebook. ”But I’m not a Blues fan,” the boy replies. ”Tigers fan rescues friend from horrific attack,” the reporter starts again. ”I’m not a Tigers fan either, ” the boy says.
”Then what are you?” the reporter says.” I’m a Collingwood fan!!!” The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, ”Low life bastard kills family pet”.
Eddie was at school one morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry etc, but Eddie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
”My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.”
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Eddie aside to ask him if that was really true.
”No” said Edward, ”He plays football for Collingwood but I was just too embarrassed to say.”
Mick Malthouse the coach of Collingwood Magpies gets wind of potential young recruit who lives in Iraq. Malthouse and the Magpies recruiting Manager catch a plane to the troubled Iraq capital Baghdad and track the young boy down.
They risk life and limb dodging car bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.
The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.
Ten minutes into the first quarter, Nathan Buckley goes down with a severe knee injury. Malthouse turns to the boy and says ”This is it son, go to the centre half forward and show us what you can do.”
The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks 9 goals, takes mark of the year, and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.
The Magpies chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Malthouse tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and he is a model lesson for all.
Malthouse then pulls the boy aside and says ”Go into my office son, ring your Mother and tell her what you did today.”
He proceeds to do so. ”Mum”, he says down the phone, ”Guess what I did today?”
”I don’t care what you did today.” His Mother replies. ”I tell you what happened here today”, she goes on. ”Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house was torched, our car blown up, your sister was attacked and your brother was abducted.”
”Gee” says the boy. ”I feel a bit responsible for what happened.”
The Mother replies ”So you should be, if it wasn’t for you we would never have shifted to Collingwood.”
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Essendon fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Essendon fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, ”Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?” ”Because I’m not a Essendon fan,” she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, ”Well, if you are not a Essendon fan, then who are you a fan of?” ”I am a St Kilda fan, and proud of it,” Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. ”Mary, why, pray tell, are you a St Kilda fan?” ”Because my Mum is a St Kilda fan, and my Dad is a St Kilda fan, so I’m a St Kilda fan too!” ”Well,” said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, ”that is no reason for you to be a St Kilda fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?” ”Then,” Mary smiled, ”I’d be an Essendon fan.”