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Accountant jokes


An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

”Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”

”Have you tried counting sheep?”

”That’s the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!”

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Joke #861 posted in the category: Accountant jokes.

A woman walks into her accountant’s office, telling him she needs to file her taxes for the financial year.

”Fine,” the accountant says to his client, ”but before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

He takes her particulars: name, address, social security number, etc.

Eventually, he comes on to her current occupation. ”What are you working as at the moment?” he asks.

The woman replies, ”I’m a whore.”

”No, no, no!” barks the accountant. ”That’ll never work! It’s far too crass!

Let’s try to rephrase that.”

”Okay,” says the woman, ”err... I’m a prostitute?”

”No, no. That’s still far too crude. Can’t you think of something else?”

They both sit thinking for a minute, then the woman suddenly blurts out,

”I’m a chicken farmer.”

The accountant is dumbstruck. ”What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

”Well,” says the woman, ”I must have raised over 300 cocks last year!”

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Joke #3469 posted in the category: Accountant jokes.

A woman went to her accountant to have her taxes filed. ”Before starting,” the accountant said, ”I will need to ask you a few questions.” He took down her name, address, social security number and then asked, ”What is your occupation?”
”I’m a whore,” she answered.
”No, ma’am, that will never do,” exclaimed the accountant. ”That’s a little too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
”Ok, then, I’m a prostitute,” she replied.
”No, that will never do either,” he stated. ”Let’s try again.”
”I’ve got it, I’m a chicken farmer,” replied the woman.
Looking puzzled, the accountant asked, ”What does being a chicken farmer have to do with being a whore or prostitute?”
”I did raise well over 5, 000 cocks last year!” she answered.

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Joke #3471 posted in the category: Accountant jokes.

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, ”Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks ”What is your occupation?”

The woman replies, ”I’m a high-priced whore.” The accountant balks and says, ”No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman says, ”OK, I’m a high-end call girl!”

”No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, ”I’m an elite chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, ”What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?” ”Well, I raised over 5, 000 little peckers last year.”

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Joke #3513 posted in the category: Accountant jokes.

An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, ”The parrot on the left costs $500.”

”Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.

”Well,” replies the owner, ”it knows how to do complex audits.”

”How much does the middle parrot cost?” asks the accountant.

”That one costs $1, 000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts”.

The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4, 000. Needless to say, this begs the question, ”What can it do?”

To which the owner replies ”To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

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Joke #5780 posted in the category: Accountant jokes.

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