A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says ”What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it?” The man says, ”I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, ”You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks.” ”You don’t understand;” says the man, ”Chunks is my dog.”-17+
Scott took his blind date to the carnival. ”What would you like to do
first, Mary?” asked Scott.
”I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott
again asked Mary what she would like to do.
”I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott
lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next.
”I want to get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ”How’d it go?”
Mary responded, ”Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn’t way me.
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar-
Cheese Sandwich: Ł1. 50
Chicken Sandwich: Ł2. 50
Hand Job: Ł10. 00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
”Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, ”can I help you?”
”I was wondering”, whispers the man, ”Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
”Yes”, she purrs, ”I am.”
The man replies ”Well wash your bloody hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”