An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. ”What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. ”Forget the damn lion!” he howled. ”Which of you Idiots let the bull loose?”--6+
A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an
elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man
very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the
thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns
and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
The elephant then continues on its way.
”I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember
me?” the man muses to himself.
It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the
He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost
like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, ”Could this be that elephant
I helped so long ago?”
He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving
him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in
front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to
cross the elephant’s face. It reaches down... picks the man up
carefully with its trunk... lifts him high in the air...
throws him crashing to the ground and stomps him to death!
Turns out it wasn’t that elephant.
A young man goes to the Doctor one morning and says ”Doctor I got this problem”.
”What is your problem?” replies the doctor.
”Well I’ll show you”... he pulls down his pants and he has this great whacking hole in his bum...
How did you manage that?” asks the doctor... ”Well let me explain... I went on holiday to Africa and this huge elephant bummed me.
Doctor says ”hmmmm, but elephants only have little willies.”
The man replies, ”I know.... but he fingered me first”
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. ”Let’s see who has the largest dick,” he says. ”Okay,” they all agree.
The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. ”That’s nothing,” says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. ”Wow, that thing is huge!” they exclaim.
That night, eating dinner at home, the African American’s mother asks him what he did at school today.
”Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book... and during recess, my friends and I played ”Let’s see who has the largest dick.”
”What kind of game is that, honey?” says the mother.
”Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I’m black. Is that true, Mom?”
The mom replies: ”No, honey. It’s because you’re twenty-three.”
A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin. ”Thou must not commit adultery or fornication! ” One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Anyone can see what’s going on here! ” The missionary replies, ”No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion. ” The chief pauses for a moment then says, ”Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white baby. ”-30+