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Air Travel jokes


As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over

Arizona on a clear day,

the co-pilot was providing his passengers with

a running commentary

about landmarks over the PA

system.

”Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a

major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of

nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300, 000

tons, struck the earth at about 40, 000 miles an hour, scattering

white-hot

debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures

nearly a mile

across and is 570 feet deep.”

From the cabin, a

passenger was heard to exclaim, ”Wow! It just missed

the highway!”

-5+

Joke #6609 posted in the category: Air Travel jokes.

One day at a busy

airport, the passengers

on a commercial

airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to

show

up so they can get underway.

The pilot and copilot

finally appear in the rear of the plane,

and begin walking up to the

cockpit through the center aisle.

Both appear to be blind.

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right

and

left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using

a guide

dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge

sunglasses.

At

first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be

some sort

of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the

engines start

revving and the airplane starts moving down the

runway.

The

passengers look at each other with some uneasiness,

whispering among

themselves and looking desperately to the

stewardesses for

reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people

begin

panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane

gets

closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are

becoming

more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has

less than 20 feet of runway left,

there is a sudden change in the

pitch of the shouts as everyone

screams at once, and at the very last

moment the airplane lifts

off and is airborne.

Up in the

cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and

turns to the pilot:

”You know, one of these days the passengers

aren’t going to scream,

and we’re gonna get killed!

-0+

Joke #6610 posted in the category: Air Travel jokes.

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this

announcement from the captain, ”Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to

inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will

shortly

crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very

worried about

this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the

captain’s next

announcement. ”Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa

have prepared for

such an emergency, and we would now like you to

rearrange your seating so

that all the non-swimmers are on the left

side of the plane, and all

the swimmers are on the right side.”

After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to

comply with the captain’s request. Two minutes later, the captain

made

a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made

an announcement, ”Ladies and Gentlemen we

have crashed into the

ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of

the plane, open you

r emergency exits and quickly swim away from the

plane. For all of

the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... ”Thank You

For Flying

Lufthansa.”

-0+

Joke #6611 posted in the category: Air Travel jokes.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport

were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your

parking location but how to get there without any assistance from

them. So

it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to

the following

exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways

747 (radio call

Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206:

”Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the

active.”

Ground: ”Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.”

The British Airways 747

pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: ”Speedbird, do you not

know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: ”Stand by, ground, I’m

looking up the gate location

now.”

Ground (with typical German

impatience): ”Speedbird 206, have you

never flown to Frankfurt

before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): ”Yes, in 1944. But I didn’t stop.”

-8+

Joke #6612 posted in the category: Air Travel jokes.

Here are some humorous statements made by airline flight crews...

”As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”

”There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...”

”Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

”We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.”

”Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”

”Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it’s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it’s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y’all wanna go there I really don’t know.”

Pilot - ”Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”

Pilot - ”Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can’t get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day.”

And, after landing: ”Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, ”This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched asthey leave the aircraft.

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: ”Whoa, big fella... WHOA..!”

”Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.”

”As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

And from the pilot during his welcome message: ”We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!”

-0+

Joke #6613 posted in the category: Air Travel jokes.

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