This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. ”Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. ”Boy,” is the man’s response. ”Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some nstructions: ”Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.” The man asks, ”What do I do with the shotgun?” The service guy replies, ”If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”-2+
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
”Dave, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go, Dave.”
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
”Dave... Dave... Dave, you sick bastard. You’re a vet.”
once there were three aliens who crashed their plane on earth. These aliens did not know any language. SO they decided to learn. The first one said ” I am the smartest, I will go to opera singing.” The second one said” I love food. I will go to a bakery” The last alien said ” I am dumb, But like candy. So I will go to a candy store” The first alien learned one word and that was ” ME, me, me, meeeeee” The second one learned three words. ” Knives and forks” The last alien learned ” Goody, Goody, gumdrops” So they fixed the space ship and on their way home said their last words. ALl of a sudden a Police officer came up to them and said ” There is a crime. Who did it?” The first alien said ” Me, me, me, Meeeee” Then the Police officer said” with what?” The second alien said ” Knives and Forks.” The police officer finally said” You’re going to jail!” and the last alien replied ” Goody, goody gumdrops!”-0+
A man walks into the doctors surgery, he can’t even sit down. The doctor asks ”What’s the problem with you today? You seem to be in a lot of pain”.
The man says he has an embarrassing thing to show him. The doctor explains that he has seen everything possible in his years as a doctor, therefore nothing will shock him.
So the man proceeds to drop his trousers and bend over. The doctor gasps and says ”What on earth happened to you?!! You have a massive hole in your bottom”. The man explained that he had just been on holiday in Africa. ”I was raped by a male elephant” said the man.
At this point the doctor said, if this were true you wouldn’t be as damaged as that because the penis on a male elephant isn’t that large.
At this point the man said ”Yes I know that, but he fingered me first”