I’ve got to admit, I’m not a fan ofAmerican Idol. Sure, I’ve watched it. There was even a time (a season long, long ago) that I actually watched most of it. With that being said, it completely sucks now. It’s more of the same, just with different faces. At any rate, besides the show itself - here are a few American Idol jokes...
‹b›Top 3 Signs Your Probably Going To Lose‹/b›
Vegas bookies say the Blue Jays have better odds of winning the World Series.
North Korea they’ll stop producing enriched uranium if you get voted off.
Your own mother says, ”You’re great, but I’m really a big fan of Sanjiya!”
‹b›Top 3 Signs William Hung Is Your Prom Date‹/b›
His tux, the limo, the hotel room... it’s all been rented for just 15 minutes.
The DJ announces ”Our next song - by request, for the tenth time tonight... ’She Bangs!’ ”
He tore your dress, trashed your corsage and stepped on *both* your feet dancing... but his goofy charm convinces you to give it up anyway!
‹b›Top 3 Things You Can Say Now That You Lost‹/b›
”George Bush didn’t win the popular vote either, and he’s done pretty well for himself!”
”Up until 10 minutes ago, I had no idea who Dave Letterman was either!”
”If you want an encore, I’ll be working the 10-6 shift atOld Navytomorrow!”
At the end of last night’s ’American Idol,’ Ryan Seacrest announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more than any president in U. S. history has ever received.
... In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine.
From the Late Show with David Letterman
10. You dedicate ”I Will Always Love You” to Saddam Hussein
9. Backstage, people say, ”Are you still here?”
8. North Korea says if you lose they’ll stop producing enriched uranium
7. Your mother says, ”You’re okay, but I’m really a big fan of Ruben”
6. You were recently named the three of clubs on the ”Most Wanted Iraqi” playing cards
5. You’ve already appeared on another reality show -- ”Cops”
4. Vegas gives you the same odds of winning it all as the Mets
3. You cancel your performance to stay home and watch ”Jag”
2. Simon beats you with the microphone stand
1. Your voice is muffled by the SARS mask
5. He manages to tear your dress, trash your corsage and step on *both* your feet dancing, but that doggone goofy charm convinces you to give it up anyway.
4. Despite his embarrassing performance in the back seat of his car, his earnest demeanor landed him a $25, 000 porno deal.
3. His tux? The limo? The hotel room? Everything has been rented for just 15 minutes.
2. ”Our next song is by request -- for the fifth time tonight, not that we’re counting... ’She Bangs!’ ”
and the Number 1 Sign Your Prom Date Is William Hung...
1. Fox has already cleared three nights of its fall schedule to accommodate a series documenting the evening, with rights to a second one covering the after-party.
10. ”If I had won, I was gonna blow the prize money on candy and fireworks”
9. ”Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for ’The Apprentice’”
8. ”Ryan Seacrest isn’t as smart as he seems on TV”
7. ”If you want to see me ’perform,’ I’ll be working the noon-to-8 shift at Old Navy tomorrow”
6. ”George W. Bush didn’t win the popular vote either, and he’s done pretty well for himself”
5. ”Underneath that table, Randy Jackson doesn’t wear pants”
4. ”Until 10 minutes ago, I had no idea who Dave Letterman was”
3. ”I could take down Clay Aiken with one arm in a sling”
2. ”I handled my loss well -- I gathered my belongings, said my goodbyes and keyed the crap out of Simon’s car”
1. ”I have one thing to say to the voters: What in the hell is wrong with you people?”