A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar, turns to the astonished patrons, and says ”I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my privates unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”
The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens his mouth and the man removes his genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheers and the first of his free drinks is delivered. The man stands up and announces, ”I’ll pay anyone one hundred dollars who’s willing to give this a try.”
A hush falls over the crowd. After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. A buxom young blonde woman timidly speaks up. ”I’ll try it, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, ”I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms...”
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar-
Cheese Sandwich: Ł1. 50
Chicken Sandwich: Ł2. 50
Hand Job: Ł10. 00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
”Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, ”can I help you?”
”I was wondering”, whispers the man, ”Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
”Yes”, she purrs, ”I am.”
The man replies ”Well wash your bloody hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the ”no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ”Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, ”By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, ”Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”