A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, ”No... the bees never touched me - but doesn’t that calf have a mother!?!”
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
”My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.” , says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
”My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf.” , says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
”My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.” , taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams...
”Will you fuck off, I’m trying to take a shit”!
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, ”I have a dead pussy.”
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, ”Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common.”