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10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga

9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga

8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?

7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.

6. Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....

5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan

4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.

3. Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho.

2. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.

---› And the number one statement is.....

1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.

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Joke #23584 posted in the category: Bollywood jokes.

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun,

police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle

ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush

admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya

tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh

diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c

mein msg de dena.

Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to

message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.

AJIT’s voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,

jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuke honge,

robert helicopter chalu karo!!

Ajit: ”Smart move”. Phone kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod

dijiye aur Mona apka phone louta degi! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi

record karna!

Shatru: jis haram-zade ne call kiya hain... mein us haram-zade ko zinda

nahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga

Shatru - AAahoy! Ye Chenu ka answering m/c hai! Seedhi taraha se message

chhod de warna mai teri haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa

Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve

patte ko nahin! Nam chod dena Ham patta khud jaan lenge!

Raj Kumar: Jaani. Shisheke gharome rahane wale pathar nahi pheka

karate. Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo. Hum jara jaldi me hai.

Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake woh

tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c.. m/c se hum nahi....

Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c.... HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum

pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega

Prem chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke

msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre’m, He he

Pre’m Chopra

KESTO - Ihhhiyaa! saale message Chhod! nahi to Batli de!! Ihhhiyaa!

Jaldi kar HICH! Apun ko janeka hai Ihhhiyaa!! hick! aay. hick! ye

ansering hick! machine hick! msg..

Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA! Phone kiya! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE!

Message rakh! AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA!

Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo.. adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg

rakho. hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimein

rakho.. HA HAAAAAAA

BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar se log mujhe SHABBO kehate

hai... Tumhara naan kya hai!! Tina Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.

Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod deee! warna teri maa ki jaaan

.... Aaaauu lalita!! mera naam Balma... badriparsad lalanparsad

malapani... balma.. Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa.... Balmaa. Aur mere kane

Chaku hai?

Jeevan - Ooouuum! Kya bandar ki tarah msg chodta hai tum! Kya is m/c me

koi ladki hai kyaaa!

Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message

rakhaneko bola... Aur tum muh pe kuphal daal kai baithta kya

Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi. tum kitna khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam

pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga, Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS

Gabbar - soovar ke bachcho. main ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re

kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg

chchod beta varna gabbar nahi sunega... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki

doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai ”beta so ja nahi to

gabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega....”

Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk karne ki aadat to hai nahi. agar mere

liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana. agar veeru

ke liye hai to dono dabana. yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai

nahi... agar mere liye msg hai... to 1 dabana.......

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Joke #23663 posted in the category: Bollywood jokes.

This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long ilness.....

one fine morning he told his drvier ”Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge.. , tum peechhe baito”.

driver, ”Par saab aapki tabyat?..”

amitabh ”Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine... kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau..... Hain”

Ok then he starts driving the car very fast.... zoooooooooom

breaks one red signal...

breaks second red signal....

breaks on more red signal...

Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the car to be sided to the road..

Tells the driver to come out... ”Chalo liscence dikhao, puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat...”

Sees amitabh ”are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!” he is verysuprised to see him....

Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....

”Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par...”

Sir”KYun kya hua??”

Havaldar: ”Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he”

Sir: ”To phir?”

hawaldar: ”SIr, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir.... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye.. , ho sake to SSP ko bhee layen”

Sir”KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??”

HAWALDAR: ”WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HE....” .

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Joke #26013 posted in the category: Bollywood jokes.

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;

these could be the caption in Newspapers:

Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!

English Babu Desi Mem.

Brain marries Beauty!?

Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?

Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera...

The next version of Windows will be ”Windows MD.”

Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.

Relax guys! they’ll only go for a virtual honeymoon.

Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..

Gate for Bill, Windows for M. F. Hussain

Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...

Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...

Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re...!

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Joke #29767 posted in the category: Bollywood jokes.

After being chased from everywhere Sadaam went to Mumbai where he met Rani Mukherjee.

So he greeted Rani ”kahoo Rani ji kya haal hai”?

Rani ”kya bataon Sadaam bhai kabhi khushi tu kabhi gum. Apna kahoo Sadaam Bhai.

Sadaam ”Kya bataon behna mera tu bus kabhi goli kabhi bumb”.

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Joke #30793 posted in the category: Bollywood jokes.

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