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Q*Why do elephants have big ears*

A*Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom! *

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Joke #4555 posted in the category: British jokes.

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new airliners. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo: ”Thaw the chicken.”

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Joke #6619 posted in the category: British jokes.

THE BRITISH BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO. 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. 2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to say things like thish. 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway. 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember) 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.

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Joke #7558 posted in the category: British jokes.

A man wants into a bar and asks for a pint of lager and a packet of helicopter crisps. ’Sorry`, said the barman, `we don’t have any helicoper crisps, we only have plane. `

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Joke #10051 posted in the category: British jokes.

British National Party Joke 16

FROM THE BBC WEBSITE:

The UK’s equalities watchdog has begun legal action against the British National Party over concerns about ethnic restrictions on its membership.

I wonder just how many Blacks, Arabs, Pakis and Muslims are disappointed that their application to join the BNP was rejected?

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Joke #11070 posted in the category: British jokes.

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