Every Nation In Attendance At An International Symposium On Elephants Had To Deliver A Report On The Animals.
france’s Report: ”the Love Life Of An Elephant.”
america Saw The Economic Values In: ”raising Elephants For Fun And Profit.”
great Britain Had Their Own Unique View: ”the Elephant And The British Empire.”
the Canadian Report Was, Of Course, Typically Canadian... ”the Elephant: A Federal Or Provincial Responsibility?”
There’s a Polish guy, an American guy, and a Canadian guy. They get a note in the mail telling each of them to go to the top of the empire state building as soon as they got the letter. (They all got it at the same time).
So they all go up there.
When they arrive they see a wizard standing before their eyes! The wizard tells them to say what they want to do for their dream job.
So the polish guy says I want to be a pilot. so the wizard says. ”ok now say, I want to be a pilot, and jump off the building and you will be flying away.”
So the Polish guy says ”I want to be a pilot” and jumps off the building. And he was all of a sudden in an airplane flying it!
So, the American guy does the same thing except he wants to be an astronaut. So the American guy says to the wizard ”I want to be an astrounaut” and then he jumps off the building. And all of a sudden he is in a space craft on his way to space!
So, the Canadian has the same procedure does the same thing. But, when he walks up to get ready to jump he trips and says ”SHIT”, and guess what he turned into!!!
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were
about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed into each of
their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling ”Spit it out, spit it out, you
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, ”There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, ”and this gentleman wants to buy the other half.”
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, ”You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”
The boy replied, ”Canada sir.”
”Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager. The boy replied, ”They’re all just whores and hockey players up there.”
”Really,” replied the manager, ”My wife is from Canada!”
The boy replied, ”No kidding! What team did she play for?