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In a small Southern town there was a ”Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a ”Quick Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, ”You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!”

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said ”See, it says right here, ’The three wise man came from afar.’ ”

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Joke #862 posted in the category: Church jokes.

God created the mule, and told him, ”You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years.”

The mule answered, ”To live like this for 35 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.”

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, ”You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to

whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years.”

The dog responded, ”Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.”

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, ”You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.”

The monkey responded, ”Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years.”

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, ”You are Man, the only rational Being that walks the earth. You will

use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.”

The man responded, ”Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected.”

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 15 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have

children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry;

then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.

And it is so...

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Joke #865 posted in the category: Church jokes.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, ”When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, ”What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, ”Then you ask him!”

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Joke #1063 posted in the category: Church jokes.

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When

in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while

until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost

face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, ”Dear Lord, if

there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear

a Christian.” And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his

knees and said, ”Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!”

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Joke #2497 posted in the category: Church jokes.

Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun ”I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn’t matter much, so could I see yours?” The nun agrees and shows him her breasts. ”May I touch them?” The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks ”Father, I have never seen a man’s penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers. ”May I touch it?” After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection. The priest says, ”you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!” ”Is that right” the nun replies? ”Yes,” says the priest. So the nun said: ”Then why don’t you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!”

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Joke #3011 posted in the category: Church jokes.

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