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A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, ”If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you and do *Anything* you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, ”What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won’t you kiss me?

The boy said, ”Look I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool.”

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Joke #104 posted in the category: Clean jokes.

One day, Gramma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen.

”Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Gramma asked him.

”I can’t get any water from that water hole, Gramma” cried Peter. ”There’s a big ol’ alligator down there!”

”Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Peter. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

”Well, Gramma,” replied Peter. ”If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”

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Joke #107 posted in the category: Clean jokes.

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, ”This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, ”What’s time to a pig?”

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Joke #128 posted in the category: Clean jokes.

Q: how do you kill a blonde?
A: put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

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Joke #142 posted in the category: Clean jokes.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the ”no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ”Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, ”By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, ”Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

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Joke #145 posted in the category: Clean jokes.

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