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Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

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Joke #1039 posted in the category: Common jokes.

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.

They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth.

The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.

The rabbit declared that he had the same problem.

Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced:

”You`ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!”

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake’s body for a few minutes, he asserted,

”Well, you`re scaly, you`re slimy, you`ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you`ve got a forked tongue. I think you`re a lawyer!”

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Joke #6141 posted in the category: Common jokes.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: ”I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”

”But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. ”I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.

”But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. He quickly answered: ”Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”

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Joke #6498 posted in the category: Common jokes.

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: ”You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”

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Joke #6567 posted in the category: Common jokes.

There once was a blind man who decided to visit

Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,

”Wow,

these seats are big!” The person next to him answered,

”Everything is

big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he

decided to visit a bar. Upon

arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer

and got a mug placed between his

hands. He exclaimed, ”Wow these

mugs are big!” The bartender replied,

”Everything is big in Texas.”

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where

the

bathroom was located. The bartender replied, ”Second door to

the

right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally

tripped over

and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the

third door, which

lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by

accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,

”Don’t flush, don’t

flush!”

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Joke #21044 posted in the category: Common jokes.

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