Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad’s memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that’s the story.-20+
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.
The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Thought you’d like to know.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice. The Psychic tells him: ”You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, ”This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” ”No,” says his Advisor, ”in her biology class.”-0+
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, ”If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you and do *Anything* you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, ”What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won’t you kiss me?
The boy said, ”Look I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool.”
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says ”What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it?” The man says, ”I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, ”You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks.” ”You don’t understand;” says the man, ”Chunks is my dog.”-17+