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An Amish woman is trotting down a road in her horse and buggy when she gets pulled over by a cop.
”I am not going to ticket you this time, ma’am,” the cop said, ”but I must issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”
”Oh, I will let my husband know just as soon as I get home,” she replied.
”Very well. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his testicles. I consider that to be animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that immediately,” the cop instructed.
Later that day, the woman is telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
”What exactly did he say, dear,” her husband asked.
”He said the reflector is broken,” she replied.
”No problem. I can fix that in two minutes. What else did he say?” he inquired.
”I’m not sure... something about the emergency brake.”


Joke #5151 posted in the category: Cop jokes.

A police officer came upon a tragic wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a small monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the demolished car. Looking down at the monkey, the officer said, ”Boy, I sure wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. ”Can you understand what I’m saying?” the officer asked.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
”Did you see this happen?” asked the officer.

”Yes,” the monkey motioned.
”Can you tell me what happened?” the officer inquired.

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
”They were drinking then?” the officer asked.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”What else?” asked the officer.

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
”They were smoking marijuana?” the officer inquired.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”What else?” asked the officer.

The monkey puckered his lips and motioned ”kissing”.
”They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked,” the officer said.

The monkey shook his head ”Yes.”
”Well, what were you doing during all of this?” asked the officer.

”Driving” the monkey motioned.


Joke #5504 posted in the category: Cop jokes.

The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The NYPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: ”Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”


Joke #6134 posted in the category: Cop jokes.

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, ”I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just then Jessica said, ”I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.” So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, ”Sir your license has expired.” And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, ”I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.” Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, ”Jessica, shut your mouth!” pr0perty0fgl0wp0rtThe officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. ”Does your husband always talk to you like that?” Jessica replied, ”only when he’s drunk.”


Joke #7137 posted in the category: Cop jokes.

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

”There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100..... Then the reality of the situation hit him. ”What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

”It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, ”Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

”Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.


Joke #8917 posted in the category: Cop jokes.

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