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Craig Kilborn jokes


”President Bush has unveiled a new campaign slogan: ’Safer, Stronger, Tested.’ I’m confused, are we talking about a re-election or a condom?” —Craig Kilborn

”John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.” —Craig Kilborn

”As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush’s service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.” —Craig Kilborn

”Boeing is working on an invisible fighter jet so nobody can see who’s flying it. Didn’t George Bush fly this in the National Guard, I believe?” —Craig Kilborn

”Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.” —Craig Kilborn

”The White House released President Bush’s military records from the National Guard, which include a rare photo of Bush in an F-102 flown by his chauffeur.” —Craig Kilborn

”President Bush is not fazed by other candidates’ war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.” —Craig Kilborn

”Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5, 000 people started working for John Kerry.” —Craig Kilborn

”The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don’t we already have that? It’s called Fox News.” —Craig Kilborn

”Some of Hollywood’s left-leaning stars turned up at a fundraiser for John Kerry at Beverly Hills. Kerry created instant rapport by beginning with ’My fellow bo-toxers.’ ” —Craig Kilborn

”Even Jessica Simpson is voting for John Kerry. You know Bush is in trouble when his own people are turning on him.” —Craig Kilborn

”President Bush has agreed to testify before Congress on one condition -- if he has to make up a lie, he has a life line to Bill Clinton.” —Craig Kilborn

”John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder.... He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.” —Craig Kilborn

”As President Bush turned up the heat on the campaign trail, John Kerry fought back the only way he knows how: carving up the slopes on his snowboard. Oh c’mon, W. plowed through twice that much powder back in the day.” —Craig Kilborn

”Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he’s going to put it on his wife’s Gold Card.” —Craig Kilborn

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Joke #29827 posted in the category: Craig Kilborn jokes.

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