Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. ”I am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. ”No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. ”I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb. ”No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. ”I’ve had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced Don Juan. ”No, you haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming ”I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so.” In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: ”I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees.” In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, ”Who the hell is Bill Clinton?”-3+
A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles. As he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all
After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows.
When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, ”Hey! What’s causing all this delay?”
The guy on the freeway says, ”Well, you’re not going to believe this, but OJ Simpson has sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up there, and he’s totally distraught.
He says there’s no way he can ever pay the $35 million he owes the Goldmans and the Browns, and so he’s threatened to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire if people don’t give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of the judgment.
So I’ve taken up a collection to try to end the traffic jam.”
”How much have you gotten so far?”
”About ten gallons.”
LONDON (AP) - Russian scientists are developing a cocktail of
bacteria that will eat underpants in an effort to find new ways
to dispose of astronauts’ dirty underwear. The project, aimed at
long space missions lasting months, such as a trip to Mars, is
reported in this week’s issue of New Scientist, a London-based
science magazine. The methane gas given off by the disposal unit
could be used to power the spacecraft, the scientists told the
magazine. ”This will be a revolution in the science of
biodegradation,” said Vyacheslav Ilyin, head of the microbial
ecology laboratory at the Institute for Biological and Medical
Problems at the Russian State Research Center.
Osama bin Laden, severly injured in an American attack, is in a
US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending doctor,
”Doc, when will I die?”
”Unsure of the exact time of death,” his Western doctor says.
”But you will die on an American holiday.”
”How do you know it will be on an American holiday?” asks the
”Oh,” said the doctor, ”Any day that you die will be an American