A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
bus driver said: ”That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an
aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her
sensed that she was agitated and asked her
”The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.
The man sympathized and
said: ”Why, he’s a public servant and
shouldn’t say things to
”You’re right,” she said. ”I think I’ll go back
up there and give
him a piece of my mind.”
”That’s a good
idea,” the man said. ”Here, let me hold your
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. ”I love my daughter, and now I welcome you
into the family,” said the man. ”To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, ”I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
”I see,” replied the father-in-law. ”Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
”I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. ”I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
”Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. ”I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t
like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
”Easy,” said the young man. ”Buy me out.”
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
”Hit him again,” the 5-year-old said. ”He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”
Little Johnny’s next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately the
baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the
hospital, the new parents invited Little Johnny’s family over to
see the new baby.
Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a
wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny’s dad had a
long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He
said, ”Now son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want
you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his
ears, or I’m really going to spank your butt when we get back
home.” ”I promise not to mention his ears at all,” said Little
At the neighbors home Little Johnny leaned over the crib and
touched the baby’s hand. He looked at it’s mother and said, ”Oh
what a beautiful little baby!” The mother, who had braced
herself for Johnny’s comment, was pleasantly surprised and said,
”Thank you very much Little Johnny.”
He then said, ”This baby has perfect little hands, and perfect
little feet. Why just look at his pretty little eyes... Did the
doctor say he can see good?” The mother said a bit bewildered,
”Why yes... the doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?”
Little Johnny said, ”Well, it’s a damn good thing, ’cause he
sure as hell can’t wear glasses!!
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.” It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. ”My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”-0+