One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.
Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
The livestock dealer said, ”Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”
Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked, ”Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”
The farmer said, ”Well, as a matter of fact, I’m going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take a
short cut and go down this alley. We’ll save half the time to get there”.
The fair young lady said, ”How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?”
The farmer said, ”I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”
The young lady said, ”Easy silly! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the friggen chickens!”
A woman walks into a bar wearing a short mini skirt and orders a Coors, the bar tender gives her the beer, she drinks it as fast as possible and passes out falls off the bar stool, legs wide open and the 5 guys in the bar all have there turn with her until she wakes up and walks out. the next day the same thing happens only there were 5 more guys and they all did what they wanted with her when she passed out till she woke up and left. The next day she walks into the bar and there’s at least 20 guys, so she goes to the bar tender who is waiting with her Coors and she says ”I’ll have a Bud” and the bar tender says I though you drank Coors. she says I did but that damn Coors makes my pussy hurt.-0+
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, ”Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ”pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!”
The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, ”How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answered, ”Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”
W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same
Barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber,
Not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation,
for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the
one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave. Clinton was quick
to stop him saying, ”No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I’ve
been in a whorehouse,” The second barber turned to Bush and said, ”How about
you?” Bush replied, ”Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like.”
A gentleman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box on Piccadilly.
Back at the hotel he rings the number.
A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance.
The gentleman says, ”I’d like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a pearl necklace. What do you think?”
The lady says, ”I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line.”