There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction. The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself,” Well, if he can do it, I can do it.” Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail, arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the mouse, only to end up in the lake. What is the moral of the story? Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy...-0+
Jack goes to the doctor and says ”Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?”
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, ”Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.”
Jack asks sadly, ”What is this treatment?” ”Well,” the doctor explains, ”what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis.”
Jack thinks about it silently then says, ”Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it.”
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.
To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants.
His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, ”That was incredible! Can you do that again?”
Jack replied, ”Well, I guess so, but I’m not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
One day The Lord spoke to Adam. ”I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord said.
Adam looked at The Lord and replied, ”Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, The Lord explained, ”I’ve got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, ”These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, ”You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time.”
A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. He asks the first nun Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis??? The nun giggles and replies, Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate. St Peter asks the next nun the same question Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis.. The nun is a little reluctant but reply’s Well I once fondled and stroked one.. St Peter says, OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate... All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says Sister, Sister what seems to be the problem?? The nun reply’s If I’m going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!!!-0+
Ali G’s homework assignment: He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.
If I pay child support today, I got no money foreclose.
I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum.
I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody.
My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, ’man, it look fake.’ He say,’ Bullshit, that watch Israel’.
I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
There’s a fine lookin’ ho living in the apartment undermine.
When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle iraq, you break.
My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, ’Do you plan on stain for dinner?’
My cousin gave me tickets to the nicks game, so I seldom.
At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, ’Who was honor first?’
I tol’ my bro, ’You odyssey the tits on that ho!’
After school today, the police want to axe me some questions.
I axed this ho on da street, ’how much?’ she say ’fortify.’
I just got in bed wit da ho an’ income me wife.