”Doctor, doctor! said the panic-stricken woman, ”my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he’s swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?
”Quite simple, said the doctor calmly. ”You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband’s mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite ” haul it out.
”Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I’ll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod’s head.
”What do you want a cod’s head for?
”Oh- I forgot to tell you. I’ve got to get the cat out first!
A man needing a
is told by his doctor that the only heart available is
that of a
sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the
heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in
for a checkup. The doctor asks him ”How are you feeling?” The man
replies ”Not BAAAAD!”
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his
mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, ”Well that’s great, just great! Some asshole’s got my pen!”