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Doctor jokes

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn’t really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said ”Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you’re the first...”

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, ”... but they probably weren’t veterinarians”


Joke #308 posted in the category: Doctor jokes.

A man goes in to see his doctor, the man lifts his left arm up high and says ”Doctor, it hurts when i do this”

The Doctor says ”Don’t do that”

The man knods and leaves.


Joke #533 posted in the category: Doctor jokes.

Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he’d hear a soothing voice trying to reassure him - ”Howard, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won’t be the last.”

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality -”Howard, you’re a veterinarian.”


Joke #704 posted in the category: Doctor jokes.

”Doctor, doctor!  said the panic-stricken woman, ”my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he’s swallowed a mouse! What shall I do? 

”Quite simple,  said the doctor calmly. ”You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband’s mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite ” haul it out. 

”Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I’ll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod’s head. 

”What do you want a cod’s head for? 

”Oh- I forgot to tell you. I’ve got to get the cat out first! 


Joke #965 posted in the category: Doctor jokes.

A man walks into a doctor’s office.

He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a

banana in

his right ear.

”What’s the matter with me?” he asks the


The doctor replies, ”You’re not eating properly.”


Joke #1177 posted in the category: Doctor jokes.

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