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Dog jokes


What is a cat?

- Cats do what they want.

- They rarely listen to you.

- They are totally unpredictable.

- When you want to play, they want to be alone.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They expect you to cater to their every whim.

- They are moody.

- They leave hair everywhere.

- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats.

What is a dog?

- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don’t hear you when you are in the same room.

- They growl when they are not happy.

- When you want to play, they want to play.

- When you want to be alone, they want to play.

- They are great at begging.

- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

- They leave their toys everywhere.

- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

- Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats

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Joke #3028 posted in the category: Dog jokes.

Pet CareCustomer service representatives answer straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, however some calls can be quite unconventional as follows: ”My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering... how many calories are in a mouse?” ”I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?” ”What should I feed a borderline collie?” ”What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?” ”Is it normal for a dog to shed?” ”How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband’s toothbrush?” ”My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it’s stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?” ”How can I get the secret recipe for your special dog food?” ”How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?” ”Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?” ”Do you know how to toilet train a cat?” ”I have three cats. Is it true that a special brand of cat food makes the poop smell better?” ”Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy’s teeth?” ”Where can I get a six-toed cat?”

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Joke #3122 posted in the category: Dog jokes.

Yard SaleI was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked ”Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work.” I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.

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Joke #3140 posted in the category: Dog jokes.

Dear Dogs,

when I Say To Move, It Means Go Someplace Else, Not Switch Positions With Each Other So There Are Still Two Of You In The Way.

the Dishes With The Paw Prints Are Yours And Contain Your Food. The Other Dishes Are Mine And Contain My Food. Please Note, Placing A Paw Print In The Middle Of My Plate And Food Does Not Stake A Claim For It Becoming Your Food And Dish, Nor Do I Find That Aesthetically

pleasing In The Slightest.

the Stairway Was Not Designed By Nascar And Is Not A Racetrack. Beating Me To The Bottom Is Not The Object. Tripping Me Doesn’t Help Because I Fall Faster Than You Can Run.

i Cannot Buy Anything Bigger Than A King Size Bed. I Am Very Sorry About This. Do Not Think I Will Continue To Sleep On The Couch To Ensure Your Comfort. Look At Videos Of Dogs Sleeping. They Can Actually Curl Up In A Ball. It Is Not Necessary To Sleep Perpendicular To Each Other Stretched Out To The Fullest Extent Possible. I Also Know That Sticking Tails Straight Out And Having Tongues Hanging Out The Other End To Maximize Space Used Is Nothing But Sarcasm.

ohhh, And My Compact Discs Are Not Miniature Frisbees.

for The Last Time, There Is Not A Secret Exit From The Bathroom. If By Some Miracle I Beat You There And Manage To Get The Door Shut, It Is Not Necessary To Claw, Whine, Try To Turn The Knob, Or Get Your Paw Under The Edge And Try To Pull The Door Open. I Must Exit Through The Same Door I Entered. In Addition, I Have Been Using The Bathroom For Years--canine Attendance Is Not Mandatory.

the Proper Order Is Kiss Me, Then Go Smell The Other Dogs’ Butt. I Cannot Stress This Enough. It Would Be Such A Simple Change For You.

i Rubbed The Lotion On My Skin For A Reason! Not As An After-dinner Snack For You. The Newspaper Spread On The Floor Is Called Accident Paper... Not Habit Paper! Also, I Do Not Need Your Help Driving The Car, Never Mind What You Saw On Television!

and To Pacify You When My Friends/relatives Come Over, I Have Posted The Following Message On Our Front Door.....

rules For Non-pet Owners Who Visit And Like To Complain About Our Pets:

1. They Live Here. You Don’t.

2. If You Don’t Want Their Hair On Your Clothes, Stay Off The Furniture.

3. I Like My Pet Better Than I Like Most People.

4. To You It’s An Animal. To Me He/she Is An Adopted Son/daughter Who Is Short, Hairy Walks On All Fours And Doesn’t Speak Clearly.

dogs Are Better Than Kids. They Eat Less (in Some Cases), Don’t Ask For Money All The Time, Are Easier To Train. Usually Come When Called, Never Drive Your Car, Don’t Hang Out With Drug Using Friends, Don’t Drink Or Smoke, Don’t Worry About Buying The Latest Fashions, Don’t Wear Your Clothes, Don’t Need A Gazillion Dollars For College, And If They Get Pregnant, You Can Sell The Results.

sincerely,

your Owner

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Joke #3249 posted in the category: Dog jokes.

Why are dogs such bad dancers?

They have two left feet.

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Joke #3798 posted in the category: Dog jokes.

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