An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, ”I have a dead pussy.”
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, ”Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common.”
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:
”Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!”
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
”You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?”
”I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I’m hauling.”
”Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,” he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
”Why did you do that?”
”Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.”
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!
He can’t let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
”What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season,” says the truck driver.
”Well, sure,” says the patrolman. ”But you can’t bait ’em!”
A passenger sitting in the back seat of a cab tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver let out a bloodcurdling scream and lost control of the car, narrowly avoiding a collision.
For a few moments everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver exclaimed to the passenger, ”Look buddy, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
”I’m so sorry,” apologized the passenger, surprised that a little tap would frighten the driver so badly.
”No, I’m sorry,” replied the driver. ”It’s really not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. For the past twenty years I’ve been driving hearses.”
A truck driver was doing a cross country haul
and he hated [ethnics] with a passion. Every time
he saw an [ethnic] hitch hiking he would swerve
off the road and hit them.
This had gone on
for about 7 or 8 hours when he saw a pastor
hitch hiking. He had to pick him up but he
wondered what he would do about the blood, he
decided to not to make conversation of it and
picked up the pastor. Luckily enough the
pastor didn’t seem to notice.
About 20 minutes
later the truck driver spotted another
hitch hiker and thought ”Maybe if I act
like I’m falling asleep at the wheel I can
swerve off the road and hit him”.
So he then
proceded to act like he was falling asleep
and swerve off the road. Two seconds later
he heard a loud thump and looked up excitedly
and said Did I get ’em!”
The pastor looked
up and said ”No my son,
but I got him with the door.”