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Driving jokes

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and sayingemphatically, ”Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!” The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. ”I don’t know about you, lady,” he said incredulously. ”But I usuallyjust put my car in park.”


Joke #1055 posted in the category: Driving jokes.

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions. The police chief asks, ”What were the people doing on the bus?” The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun. The chief asks, ”Yeah, but what else were they doing?” . The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle. The chief says, ”Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, ”Okay, were they doing anything else?” The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking. The chief loses his patience, ”If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?” The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.


Joke #1056 posted in the category: Driving jokes.

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, ”I have a dead pussy.”

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, ”Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common.”


Joke #1146 posted in the category: Driving jokes.

What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen? It’s ass.


Joke #1276 posted in the category: Driving jokes.

Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:

”Help Chick pull me out!”

The chick obliges and gets it’s Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.

Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.

Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying ”Grab on!” . Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.

And the moral of the story is:

If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a bike to pull chicks!


Joke #2351 posted in the category: Driving jokes.

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