An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We`re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive” The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers ”God Save The Queen” and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers ”Viva La France” and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers ”Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.-16+
The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son’s sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, ”Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you.”
His son replied, ”Daddy, I would like an aeroplane.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways.
Just before his son’s seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. ”Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you.”
His son replied, ”Daddy, I would like a boat.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P & O Ferries.
Just before his son’s eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. ”Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you.”
His son replied, ”Daddy, I would like something to watch films on.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched all his favourite Western Movies.
Just before his son’s ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. ”Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you.”
His son, who had caught the ’Western’ movie bug, replied, ”Daddy, I would like a cowboy outfit.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and bought him Microsoft.
There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars untill he discovered that an old lady’s tiny dog was taking up a whole seat.
So he said to the lady, ”Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can’t find a seat.”
Now this wasn’t a nice lady, so she replied, ”You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!”
So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. ”Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?”
Of course, the woman’s reply was about the same as the first one, ”You again?! Go away you rude man, don’t bother my poodles!”
So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, ”Move your mutt lady!”
The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child.
Finally he’d had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief untill the man accross the isle said, ”You damn Americans, you do everything wrong!
You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and NOW YOU THROW THE WRONG BITCH OUT THE WINDOW!”
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
”Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. ”They must be British.”
”Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. ”They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”
”No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, ”they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. They are Russian.”