A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: ”You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, ”When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ”I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, ”It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ”I want you to send her the word, ’comfortable.’ ”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. ”How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ’comfortable?’ ”
The brunette explains, ”My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”
A mother driving her two young boys to a funeral, She tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the grave site she discovered my explanations weren’t as thorough as I’d thought. In a loud voice, her four-year-old asked, ”Mom?”
”Yes,” the mother whispered.
”What’s in the box?”
One night, a kid’s grandparents were about to die. At night, the boy prayed ”god please let my grandparents die in peace.” The next day he found out his grandpraents dies with peace. The next day the boy wanted a bike, and his dad wouldnt buy it for him. So night time came around and he prayed ”god, let my father die” and the father was at the door listening the the kid pray. the father went to work, came home and said to his wife ”honey, i’ve had the worst day ever”. his wife replied u think u’ve had the worst day ever? the mailman just dropped dead on our doorstep-3+