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Farmer jokes


A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and the hens...

Old Cock: Welcome to the farm. We’ll work together towards productivity.

Young Cock: Whattya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old Cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can’t I help you with some?

Young Cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old Cock: In this case, I challenge you to a competition and, if I win, you let me have one hen. If I lose you have them all.

Young Cock: Okay. What kind of competition?

Old Cock: 50-yard dash. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 yards. Young Cock: No problem! We race tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young Cock allows the Old Cock to start off and when the Old Cock crosses the 10-yard mark, the young cock chases him with all his might. He was right behind the old cock in a matter of seconds and -- BANG! Before he can overtake the old cock, he is shot dead by the farmer, who sighs and says, ”Damn. That’s the fifth gay chicken I bought this week.”

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Joke #7 posted in the category: Farmer jokes.

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.

”Well,” said the would-be-cattleman. ”I wanted to call it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we’re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.”

”But where are all your cattle?”

”So far, none have survived the branding.”

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Joke #97 posted in the category: Farmer jokes.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A

man comes in and asks the farmer, ”Hey, why are you sitting here

on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened that is so horrible?

Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow

milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her

left leg and kicked it over.

Man: That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So then what happened.

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left

with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her.

Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and

kicked it over.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Something’s ya just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the

right.

Man: So then what did you do?

Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I

got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the

bucket with her tail.

Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset!

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So then what did you do.

Farmer: Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt

and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell

down and my wife walked in.

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Joke #127 posted in the category: Farmer jokes.

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, ”You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”

The old rancher replied, ”Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.”

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Joke #154 posted in the category: Farmer jokes.

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.

The other farmer says, ”Yeah, I’ve this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but, farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Randy and takes the rooster home.

He then sets him down in the barnyard and gives the rooster a pep talk, ”Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job.

”So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer ended with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Randy after the flock of geese down by the lake. Once again, WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught - worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob - stone cold in the middle of the yard and buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, ”Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”

Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, ”SHHHH, they’re getting closer...”

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Joke #231 posted in the category: Farmer jokes.

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