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Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes


A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. ”Listen,” he says to the bartender. ”If i show you the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen, is my beer on the house?” ”We’ll See,” says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. ”Impressive,” says the bartender, ”but i’ll need to see more.” ”Hold on,” says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings ”Old Man River.” A patron jups up from mhis table and shouts ”Thats’s Absolutely incredible! I’ll give you $100 right now for the frog.” ”Sold,” says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. ”It’s none of my business,” says the bartender, ”but you just gave away a fortune.” ”Not really,” says the guy. ”The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

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Joke #1285 posted in the category: Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes.

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says ”I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play’ The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar. The octopus’ owner pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, ’ Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I’ll give you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes over and says ’What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing! The octopus says, ’Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna screw it!!

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Joke #1288 posted in the category: Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes.

A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: Got any bread? Barman: If you ask me if I’ve got any F*****g bread once more I’m gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar.................. Duck: You got any nails? Barman: NO! Duck: You got any bread? Sent by Duncan

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Joke #1355 posted in the category: Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes.

One day a man and his dog walk into a bar. The owner of the dog says to the bartender ”I bet 10 dollars my dog can talk”. The bartender, naturally, accepts. All of the sudden the dog starts reciting the Gettysburg adress. So the bartender layes down ten dollars and the dog grabbs it and runs out the door. The owner runs after the dog. He finds him in a back ally (kissing) a french poodle. The owner says to his dog ”What are you doing? You’ve never done that before.” The dog responds: ”I’ve never had ten dollars before.”

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Joke #1366 posted in the category: Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes.

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ”got any bananas?”
He gets thrown out.
He comes in the next day and asks the same thing, ”got any bananas?”
Again, he gets the bums rush.
This goes on for several days until the bartender has had enough of this crap and screams,
”If you ever set foot in the bar again, I am gonna nail your stupid feet to the floor and rip your beak off!” Then the duck is thrown out into the street.

The very next day the duck once again enters the bar and walks up to the bartender.
”Hey buddy! Got any bananas?” asks the duck
”For the last and final time I don’t have any damned bananas!!!” screams the bartender.
”Oh...” says the duck. ”Got any nails?”

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Joke #1402 posted in the category: Funniest Bar, Beer and Booze jokes.

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