A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, ”I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. ”Henry”, he said, ”I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, ”Stop, Henry, you’ll kill yourself.” But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, ”Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy.”
”Shhhhh,” Henry whispered, ”The buzzard is getting closer.”
A little girl asks her Mom, ”May I take the dog for a walk around the block?”
Mom says, ”No honey, the dog is in heat.”
”What’s that mean?” asked the child.
”Go ask your Father. I think he’s in the garage”.
The little girl goes to the garage and says, ”Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you”.
Her Dad said, ”Bring Susie over here”.
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s rear end with it and said, ”Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block”.
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, ”Where’s Susie?”
The girl replies, ”Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there’s another dog pushing her home!
An old woman saved a Fairy’s life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. ”Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, ”Now aren’t you sorry you had me neutered?!!!”
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
”Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, ”What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
”Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”