A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, ”No... the bees never touched me - but doesn’t that calf have a mother!?!”
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says ”What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it?” The man says, ”I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, ”You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks.” ”You don’t understand;” says the man, ”Chunks is my dog.”-17+
An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
”Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, ”I’m going to wash my dog.”
”But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog,” said the grocer. ”It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
”Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer said he was sorry, but added, ”I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
”Well, the boy replied, ”I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
”Oh? What was it then?”
”I think it was the spin cycle!”
Scott took his blind date to the carnival. ”What would you like to do
first, Mary?” asked Scott.
”I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott
again asked Mary what she would like to do.
”I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott
lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next.
”I want to get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ”How’d it go?”
Mary responded, ”Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn’t way me.
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, ”This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, ”What’s time to a pig?”-0+