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Q: What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
A: A ”flame-thrower.”

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Joke #1707 posted in the category: Gays jokes.

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was doing his job okay, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured it wouldn’t hurt anything. So he gets a young cock and and lets it loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they are trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I’ve got to do something about this.

He walks up to the new bird and says,” So, your the new guy in town. I bet you think you’re really hot stuff don’t you? I’m not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I’m still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around the hen house over there. We’ll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens to himself.”

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. ”You’re on,” said the young rooster. ”And since I know I’m so great, I’ll even give you a head start of half a lap. I’ll still win easily,” said the young cocky rooster.

So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little but he’s still hanging in there.

Unfortunately the old roosters lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then the farmer had heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shot gun, and ran out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shot gun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.

He walked away slowly, saying to himself.................. ”Damn, that’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month.”

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Joke #2168 posted in the category: Gays jokes.

Used to be a man who owned a bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not too many people came to the bar, so he was trying to think of a good gimmick to get people to come. It so happened he was watching T. V. at the time and the parade for the circus was on. As the elephants went by he remembered reading somewhere that elephants don’’t laugh. He went down to the circus and inquired about buying an elephant. It just so happened that there was an elderly elephant bull that the circus was planning to retire. After agreeing on a price, the man bought the elephant. Back at the bar the man put a large jar on the bar with a sign reading: ”Make the elephant laugh, $5. 00 a shot, win $5, 000.”

Well, a lot of people thought they could make the elephant laugh, and soon the jar was almost full. Then one night a man walked in and said to the bar owner, ”I hear you will give any one who can make the elephant laugh $5, 000.” ”Yeah, he’’s out back”.

After about five minutes tremendous, deep, thundering laughter could be heard coming from behind the bar. Every one in the bar raced back to see what was going on. When they got there the elephant was LAUGHING!!! The man could not believe his eyes. But, a bet was a bet after all and he paid the stranger who had made the elephant laugh.

A few weeks later and the elephant was still laughing. The bar owner could not stand it any more so he put a sign on the bar reading: ”Make the elephant cry, $5. 00 a shot, win $5, 000.” Again, a lot of people tried and tried, but they could not get the elephant to stop laughing. Finally the man who had gotten the elephant to laugh in the first place walked in. Upon seeing the sign, he inquired if anybody had had any luck in stopping the elephant from laughing. Seeing as no one had, he once more went back behind the bar to see the elephant.

In less than a minute a wail of grief cascaded over the bar. All the patrons ran out to see what was up. The elephant had huge tears running down its cheeks. Once again a bet was a bet and the bar owner paid the man. Before the man could leave, the bar owner asked how he had gotten the elephant to laugh and then to cry.

”Easy.” said the man, ”When I first went back there I told him my dick was bigger than his. And now I just proved it.”

-10+

Joke #4643 posted in the category: Gays jokes.

The Elephant’s Thing

Used to be a man who owned a bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not too many people came to the bar, so he was trying to think of a good gimmick to get people to come. It so happened he was watching T. V. at the time and the parade for the circus was on. As the elephants went by he remembered reading somewhere that elephants don’’t laugh. He went down to the circus and inquired about buying an elephant. It just so happened that there was an elderly elephant bull that the circus was planning to retire. After agreeing on a price, the man bought the elephant. Back at the bar the man put a large jar on the bar with a sign reading: ”Make the elephant laugh, $5. 00 a shot, win $5, 000.”

Well, a lot of people thought they could make the elephant laugh, and soon the jar was almost full. Then one night a man walked in and said to the bar owner, ”I hear you will give any one who can make the elephant laugh $5, 000.” ”Yeah, he’’s out back”

After about five minutes tremendous, deep, thundering laughter could be heard coming from behind the bar. Every one in the bar raced back to see what was going on. When they got there the elephant was LAUGHING!!! The man could not believe his eyes. But, a bet was a bet after all and he paid the stranger who had made the elephant laugh.

A few weeks later and the elephant was still laughing. The bar owner could not stand it any more so he put a sign on the bar reading: ”Make the elephant cry, $5. 00 a shot, win $5, 000.” Again, a lot of people tried and tried, but they could not get the elephant to stop laughing. Finally the man who had gotten the elephant to laugh in the first place walked in. Upon seeing the sign, he inquired if anybody had had any luck in stopping the elephant from laughing. Seeing as no one had, he once more went back behind the bar to see the elephant.

In less than a minute a wail of grief cascaded over the bar. All the patrons ran out to see what was up. The elephant had huge tears running down its cheeks. Once again a bet was a bet and the bar owner paid the man. Before the man could leave, the bar owner asked how he had gotten the elephant to laugh and then to cry.

”Easy.” said the man, ”When I first went back there I told him my dick was bigger than his. And now I just proved it.”

-0+

Joke #4649 posted in the category: Gays jokes.

A guy decides that maybe he’d like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, ”Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?”

”I was born this way,” says the parrot. ”I’m a defective parrot.”

”Ha, ha,” the guy laughs. ”It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me.”

”I understand every word,” says the parrot. ”I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird.”

”Yeah?” the guy asks. ”Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”

”Well,” the parrot says, ”this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.”

”Wow,” says the guy, ”you really can understand and answer; can’t you?”

”Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion.”

The guy looks at the $200. 00 price tag. He says. ”I can’t afford that.”

”Pssst,” the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. ”Nobody wants me because I don’t have any feet. You can get me for $20. 00; just make an offer.”

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He’s funny; he’s interesting; he’s a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, ”Pssst,” and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. ”I don’t know if I should tell you this or not,” says the parrot, ”but it’s about your lover and the mailman.”

”What?” asks the guy.

”Well,” the parrot says, ”when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth.”

”What happened then?” asks the guy.

”Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over,” reports the parrot.

”My God!” the guy says. ”Then what?”

”Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down.” The parrot pauses for a long time...

”What happened? What happened?” says the frantic guy.

”That’s what pisses me off. I don’t know.” said the parrott. ”I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch.”

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Joke #5791 posted in the category: Gays jokes.

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