One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks ”yeah, what do you want?” . The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice ”I’ve lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on”. At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... ”Sorry, but we don’t re-tail spirits at this time of night”.-13+
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience ”Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?” and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks ”Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?” and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks ”Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?” and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says ”what was it like?” and he said ”Oh... it was great!! Never had any like it before!!” and she asked ”Really?? So the ghost was good??” and the old man said ”GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!!”
There was once an English man an Irish man and a Scotsman. One day they were all going for a walk and came across a strange old house. I’ll go in first and have a look said the English man.
He looked inside and saw dollar bill on the table. He went to go and pick it up and heard a voice: ”I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!” The English man ran out terrified.
So the Irish man tried and he ran out petrified.
Then it was the Scottsman’s turn. He walked in and went to go pick up the note and the ghost said, ”I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!”
So the Scottsman said, ”Well my name is Davy Crocket, and this note stays in me pocket!”
In one of Oprah Winfrey’s talk shows, a survey was conducted among her audience. Since the subject was about ghosts she started asking her audience these survey questions:
Oprah: How many of you have seen a ghost? Please stand up!
Amazingly, about 20 people stood up.
Oprah: Wow, isn’t that really phenomenal? And now for the next question- For you guys standing up - how many of you have actually spoke to a ghost?
About five stayed standing up.
Oprah: (At this point, really getting tremendously excited! ) Wow, imagine that? These people actually spoke to a ghost. And now for the last question, how many of you five guys have actually made love to a ghost?
Four guys sat down except one, at the last row of seats. The crowd exploded.
Oprah: May we call the gentleman to come to the stage please!
At this the cameras focused on an aging old man and guess what, a Filipino guy.
Oprah: Wow, that was unbelievable: Sir may we know who you are?
Top Gun: My name is Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun for short.
Oprah: What do you do and where are you from?
Top: I am a retired Navy man, am living in upstate New York and am a farmer by trade.
Oprah: Interesting! So, you really made love to a ghost?
Top: (somewhat irked) What ghost? I thought you said GOAT!