Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been
decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very
near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business
behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties,
and used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an
expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky
enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and
proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made there
The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and
said, ”These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home
last night without her panties.”
”That’s nothing,” said the other. ”Mine came back with a card stuck
between the cheeks of her butt that said, `From all of us at the Fire
Station. We’ll never forget you.’ ”
George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, ”What’s in the basket?”
She replies, ”New baby kittens,” and she opens the basket to show him.
”How nice,” says Bush. ”What kind are they?”
The little girl says, ”Republicans.”
Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.
Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket. Bush says, ”Watch this, Karl; it’s really cute.” They approach the little girl.
Bush greets the little girl and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, ”Fine.” Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, ”And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?” She replies, ”Democrats”
Abashed, Bush says, ”But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!”
”I know,” she says. ”But now their eyes are open.”
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
”What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, ”The dog on top has hurt his
paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
”They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?” said the little one.
”How do you mean?” asked the Grandma.
”Offer someone a helping hand,” said the little girl, ”and they screw you
A young girl was told she needed an X-ray. She went in and seemed especially nervous.
When she came out of the X-ray room, she told her mother, ”They took a picture of my bones.”
”Yes, dear,” replied the mother. ”Did everything go all right?”
”Sure,” said the girl. ”It was great. I didn’t even have to take my skin off!”
Girls = time * money
time = money, therefore:
Girls = money * money (*)
But we know that money is a root of all evil, thus:
money = sqrt(evil)
Taking into account (*), we have:
Girls = sqrt(evil)*sqrt(evil)
Girls = |evil|
Thus, Girls are the absolute evil!