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Gorilla jokes


Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.

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Joke #133 posted in the category: Gorilla jokes.

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for ”Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, ”Is it male or female?”

”Male,” he replies.

”Oh yeah, we can do that. I’ll be right there,” he states.

An hour later, the service guy shows up with a stick, a Rottweiler, a shotgun, and a large pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. ”I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, the trained Rotty will move in and savage the gorilla’s private parts. The gorilla will then cross his hands across his crotch to protect himself, and that’s when you move in with the handcuffs!”

The man goes pale and asks, ”Um, okay, but what do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, ”Hopefully nothing, but if I happen to fall out of the tree before the gorilla, you’ve got to shoot that Rottweiler!”

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Joke #137 posted in the category: Gorilla jokes.

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, ’Who is the king of the jungle?’ and the deer replied, ’Oh, you are, Master.’

The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, ’Who is the king of the jungle?’ and the zebra replied, ’Oh, you are, Master.’

The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. ’Who is the king of the jungle?’ he roared.

With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, ’Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer.’

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Joke #157 posted in the category: Gorilla jokes.

A lady named Sally visited the zoo. She saw a pink gorilla. Next to the cage was a sign that said, ”Do Not Touch! DANGEROUS!” She wanted to see what the gorilla felt like, so she looked both ways and made sure the coast was clear.

Then she reached in and touched the gorilla. She heard someone coming, and quickly withdrew her hand and kept walking. That night after she had eaten dinner, she was resting in her purple recliner watching the news. A warning flashed across the TV. ”Warning, Pink Gorilla escapes from zoo. If found, please call the zoo.”

Immediately Sally knew the gorilla was after her. Then she heard a Bang! Bang! Bang! on her front door. She got up, looked through the peep hole and saw the pink gorilla. She ran through the house, out the back door and into the garage. She jumped into her red Mercedes and drove as fast as she could. The pink gorilla saw her leave and jumped into his green Ford truck and chased after her.

Sally looked through her rearview mirror and saw the gorilla quickly gaining speed. Soon he pulled up next to her. Sally jerked on the emergency break, jumped out of the car and started running. As she was running she saw that she was approaching the edge of a cliff. She stopped not sure what to do. She spun around and saw the pink gorilla lumbering after her… getting closer and CLOSER.

The gorilla approached her, Sally threw up her arms to protect herself… the gorilla reached out HIS hairy pink hand and touched Sally’s head. Shaking a bit, Sally began to relax and slowly lowered her hands looking puzzled at the gorilla. The gorilla gave a little evil smirk and said, ”Tag, you’re it!!!” and he dashed off.

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Joke #274 posted in the category: Gorilla jokes.

It’s a beautiful, warm spring morning and a couple are spending the day at the zoo. She’s wearing a loose-fitting, spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes mad. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand, he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny, and suggests that his wife teases the poor creature some more. He gets her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at the ape, and play along. She does, and the Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and the Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

”Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him,” he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and he starts doing flips. With that, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

”Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”

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Joke #301 posted in the category: Gorilla jokes.

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