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Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, ”Okay, let’s get out and get him.” After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, ”The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?” The guy in the front says, ”Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you`d better brace yourself.”

--5+

Joke #1062 posted in the category: Grass jokes.

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ’Wow, this is great,’ he thought.

It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

”Hey,” he called. ”I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”

”Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. ”What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.

”Well,” one of them said. ”You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”

This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, ”What else do you do?”

”You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. ”Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.

”There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, ”he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. ”They’re girls. We shag them. Go and try it.”

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.

”That was fantastic,” he panted.

”So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.

”I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. ”Why? We thought you liked it here.”

”I do,” our friend replied. ”But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette!”

--1+

Joke #6146 posted in the category: Grass jokes.

BACKUP - What you do when you run over a coon in the woods

BAR CODE - Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern

BUG - The reason you give for calling out sick

CACHE - Neede when you run out of food stamps

CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker

CRASH - When you go to Juniors party univited

DIGITAL - The art of countining on you fingers

DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer

FAX - What you lie about to the IRS

HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put ther hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba’s favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie lives

ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the pope lives

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put ther hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba’s favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie lives

ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the pope lives

-0+

Joke #17238 posted in the category: Grass jokes.

Last summer, when the power mower was broken and wouldn’t run Jane

kept hinting to Dick, her husband, that he needed to get it fixed.

However, for some reason the message wasn’t sinking in.

She finally thought of a clever way to make the point. When Dick

arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass busily

clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane

thought she had again failed to get his attention. He was gone only a

few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a toothbrush

saying, ”When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep

the sidewalks.”

177

-2+

Joke #67309 posted in the category: Grass jokes.

There were these two rabbits, Barry and Fred. They were being tested in a laboratory and after a few losses of hair and half of their teeth missing they decide to try and escape.

They make this great plan and the next thing they knew, they were out in the counrtyside smelling the grass and generaly having a good time.

After a bit Barry gets in a bit of a mood.

”Why are you in such a mood” says Fred.

Barry in a sulky mood says ”Well you know that laboratory we were at, well I’m starting to miss that place”

Fred in disbelief says ”What, are you mad. That place is a dump. I’ve got more injection holes on my body than pores!”

”Yeah I know ” says Barry ”But I’m killing for a fag.”

65

-0+

Joke #67310 posted in the category: Grass jokes.

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