Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, ”It’s only ankle deep.”
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, ”What are you talking about?! It’s up to our heads!”
And the blonde replies, ”Well, I jumped in head first.”
A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He is leaving the next day and he still hasn’t tried the food.
He goes to a restaurant and sits down to order and then sees what the man next to him has. It looks very tasty.
The waiter comes to take his order and the tourist tells him he wants what the other man beside him is having. The waiter says there is no more left.
The tourist then asks him what the meal is and the waiter replies that it is the testicles from the bull that lost the bullfight earlier that morning. He tells the tourist that if he comes back tomorrow he’ll save this meal for him.
The tourist thinks, ”What the heck, it’ll be my last day here,” so he comes back the next day and the waiter has his food prepared for him when he comes.
The man eats the meal and thinks it is delicious. But he is confused about one thing. He calls the waiter over and asks him why his meal looked smaller than the meal the other man had the day before.
The waiter replies, ”Oh, sorry sir, sometimes the bull wins.”
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
”Hold on there, Mister,” said the sheriff. ”Did I just see what I think I saw?”
”Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”
”And that cures them?” the Sheriff asked.
”Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ ’em.”
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
”If you’re going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose.”