The boss called one of his employees into the office.
”Rob,” he said, ”you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”
”Thanks,” said the employee.
”Thanks?” the boss replied. ”Is that all you can say?”
”I suppose not,” the employee said. ”Thanks, Dad.”
A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, ”Who was the greatest man that ever lived?” A girl raises her hand and says, ”I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country.” The teacher replies, ”Well... that’s a good answer, but that’s not the answer I am looking for.” Another young student raises his hand and says, ”I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war.” ... ”Well, that’s another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for.” Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, ”I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived.” The teacher’s mouth drops open in astonishment. ”Yes!” she says, ”that’s the answer I was looking for.” She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop. Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop. He says, ”Why did you say, ’Jesus Christ’?” The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, ”I know it’s Moses, and YOU know it’s Moses, but business is business.”-0+
A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.
Finally, the waiter came over and asked,
”Who should I give the check to?”
The Marwadi guy said,
”Give it to me. I’ll take care of everything.”
”Fine,” said the waiter.
The next day the headlines read: ’Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death’
An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.
The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.
Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.
The Arab replied ”Bapu….. now I have Gujju blood in my veins!”
Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft, Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the ” RSVP ” was missing.
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai’s knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied:
” ”Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means ”Remember, Send Vedding Present!”