A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
”Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, ”What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
”Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
John and Steve were high school buddies. They have not seen each
other since they both went to college. Five years went by and
they ran into each other at a bar.
John spotted Steve first, ”Hey Steve!” ”Hey John! Long time no
see!” John was surprised that Steve spoke smoothly without
stutters--Steve has been stuttering since he was a child. ”How
did you fix your speaking?” ”I went to the doctor and he said
that if I speak really slow, I won’t stutter! Did you hear? I
almost got married!” ”How did you ALMOST get married?”
”Well, I was sitting on the front porch with my fiance and the
dog was sitting there too and he was scratching his back!
Although I have to speak slow, I said to my wife: When we’re
married YOU can do that for me and then I pointed to the dog.
But, because I talk so slow, by then he was licking his balls!”
There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex, because the boy’s mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons the boy was always afraid to venture down there.
They finally marry, and on their wedding night, the young groom walks out of the bathroom to find his new bride dressed in a very sexy negligie and lying invitingly on the bed. She says to him, ”Oh honey, here’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. It is time to consummate our marriage.”
He is apparently flustered, and says, ”Oh, no.... I’m not going down there!”
The confused bride asks, ”Why?” .
He turned to her and said, ”Well, my mother always told me that what a woman has between her legs, has teeth.”
The bride laughed and said, ”That’s nonsense, let me show you.”
So, she whips off her negligie, spreads her legs open, and pulls her pussy lips apart and says, ”See honey, no teeth”
The groom quickly replies, ”My God! With gum disease like that, no wonder you have no teeth!!!!”
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.” I think you`ve paid your debt to society,” he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.-0+