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A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.

”This is Chet,” he said, ”and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs.” Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer’s face, he proceeded to demonstrate.

”He needs warming up,” he said. ”Lend me your cigarette lighter.”

The storekeeper lifted Chet’s left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.

”That’s fantastic,” said the customer.

”And listen to this,” said the storekeeper, warming Chet’s other wing.

Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.

”Wrap him up,” said the customer, ”I’ll take him!”

When he got home he greeted his wife: ”Honey, I can’t wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic.”

He unwrapped Chet’s cage and showed the bird to his wife. ”Now, watch and listen.”

He raised Chet’s left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing Silent Night. The wife was delighted. As Chet’s right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang Joy To The World.

”Let me try it,” said the wife, seizing he bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the candle flame. Chet began to sing passionately:

”Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire!”

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Joke #1164 posted in the category: Hilarious Political jokes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her
cat a bath?
A: She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her

tongue.

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Joke #1167 posted in the category: Hilarious Political jokes.

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot’s neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father’s collar, wolf whistles, and says, ”I see she caught you at it, too.”

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Joke #1370 posted in the category: Hilarious Political jokes.

Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

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Joke #1387 posted in the category: Hilarious Political jokes.

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, ”Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?” The other replies, ”Well I don’t know. You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did and God replied, ”You are what you are.” The next day he said to the other zebra, ”I still don’t understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are.” The second zebra responds, ”You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is.”

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Joke #1392 posted in the category: Hilarious Political jokes.

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